Mae Nam Khong Part 2 – Ants, Drugs and Bamboo Huts

The boat rolled down the calm river as we played all manor of parlour games on board. I would have done everything to escape the hard wooden seats, as it seems would most of the passengers. On occasion, some people would would turn away to take a photo of the jungle. It seemed this happened more and more as we got deeper and deeper down the river. It was obvious to every dreamer on that boat,that this was going to be their true jungle experience and every preconception they had of what dense, prehistoric rainforest should be was now right in front of their eyes. This was the same for me. I had always envisioned the rainforest as and entanglement of vines, vibrant green trees and lost villages made from bamboo. This is what I beheld as we cruised further.

We were on our way to a town called Pakbang. The boat master said it was about six hours ride from where we embarked. The heat was getting to me now as the mid April sun bore down on the scorched Earth. April and May in Laos are the hottest months by far, they are the dry months before he monsoon starts. Temperatures can reached up to forty five and before a storm it can be 100% humid. During this time of year the old crop are burned to make way for new growth during the monsoon. This leads to the region being engulfed by a thin veil of smoke for the duration of the burning period. Afterwards, like a green phoenix rising from the ashes, the whole of Northern Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam and the Southern Chinese province of Yunnan erupt in a sea of green agriculture. This region is where most of the worlds’ rice is grown and it is evident in the tiered hills and valleys.

I decided to open my bottle of $3 Lao Lao whiskey and have a silent toast to making it this far from home. I didn’t know anyone from back home who were even aware of Laos existence, let alone visiting the country. I think that is a crying shame. First of all, Laos is a country of magnificent beauty and the calm solitude of it green mountains are a sight to behold, each one juts above the jungle canopy in different shapes, with a seemingly impossible geology, the rock struggling to escape above the tree line. I believe Laos is a forgotten natural treasure. Places like Ecuador and Indonesia are always heralded for this, as are Costa Rica and New Zealand. Laos deserves to be up there with these stunning countries with it’s awe-inspiring landscape. The second reason people should be aware of Laos is that the human race has not yet figured out how to travel backwards in time. Having always been fascinated by the ancient orient it would be convenient if someone could kindly do so, but anyone wanting to experience how people lived in Asia hundreds of years ago need only set foot in Laos. I am not saying that Laos is a backward country, just a simplistic one. Most of the economy is based on agriculture and the farming methods are old fashioned at best. All manor of vegetation and crops are grown in the rich soil here, as is evident from the fresh fruit and vegetables available in the markets. The mangoes are a special delicacy in this part of the world. At a few points on the boat trip, I saw elephants, yes elephants, ploughing the steep fields!This will bring me nicely to where the modern world interjects into this peaceful scene.

The boat rounded the last curve before Pakbang, as we pulled into port I realised we would be climbing one of those steep Laotian hills as it approached in the distance. I could see a small, man made island where i assumed we would dock. As we pulled closer I saw dozens of children eagerly anticipating our exit from the boat. We landed and I gathered my bag and jumped off onto the tiny blue floats where all the other tourists were standing. I noticed the children, far from being interested in the tourists, were grabbing at the bottles and crisps and other items in everybody’s bags. A word to the wise when you are travelling through places like this. Don’t assume that these people have never seen westerners before, they have. It is a foolish middle class tale of those who go travelling on the backpacking routes around Asia and run into people who have never seen a white person before; in this day and age there are not many places where that is still true. So in places like Pakbang, who get one shipment of bewildered tourists every couple of days, people will make you feel welcome, but also they need your money. Don’t begrudge them for this attitude,after all you don’t see boats full of rich Laotians on Oxford canals every day. After giving away the rest of my Coca Cola and crisps (I was highly amused at the enthusiasm with which my Coca Cola was received) I followed the boat master to my room. Walking up the hill was a drag, in the midsummer heat I was swimming in my clothes as it was. We came to the top and me, JB (crazy Aussie) and Neils (Danish Genius) were ushered into a gated hotel. I say hotel in the lightest sense of the word. The whole thing was constructed from plywood and bamboo. There was a bar further back which opened out on to a terrace looking out over the Mekong and the rolling hills beyond. My room consisted of a weak fan, a bed and a mosquito net, but I have to say the deprivation was made up for by the location. Pakbang itself was a tiny little village in the middle of nowhere. It was only accessible via the river so the location was definitely remote. Even so it was not difficult to see the influences Western culture exerted in this place. No sooner had we left the small hotel complex than we were approached by a young guy, around fifteen, offering an array of narcotic delicacies. Everything from weed to opium, LSD to ecstasy it was all on offer. We politely declined the drugs and ironically swigged the bottles of Mekong whisky we had. I guess that was the acceptable poison for the evening.

It was getting dark by the time we got hungry. The smoky sun set over the chocolate river, melting it away into darkness and the silhouettes of the ragged hills. As it got darker, the human life of the town seemed to fall into a slumber, whilst the smaller creatures woke to life. Chirping, rustling, hooting and buzzing were the soundtracks of the evening. If you listened closely you could pick up the distant shriek of a howler monkey swooping through the canopy. We walked towards the main street of Pakbang via the uneven dirt road. An occasional moped flew by accompanied by one, two or three passengers. They seemed very curious of us, crudely walking down the street holding a bottle of whisky. We must have looked pretty bewildered, this being the most exotic corner of the planet either one of us had ever strolled into in our young lives. I don’t think any experience will ever again breach as far into my memory. It was a totally alien world when you stopped to look around. Where I come from greyscale is the predominant colour scheme, with smatterings of green where the council can be bothered to maintain. Here the soil was red and fertile and the overarching trees hung like reapers in the night. Although the town was populated, the area was barely touched by humanity and any battle that was happening for territory was clearly being won by nature. But there was a calmness to the town, a stillness that seemed undisturbed even with the arrival of modernity.

We found a small restaurant which was the only place left open in town. I had deliberately turned my phone off to lose track of the time so I assumed it was late. I was given a menu by the sweet old lady running the place. It looked to me like she would be cooking too, so I gave her an extra big smile to make sure she liked me. Looking through the menu I noticed “Laos Buffalo Curry”. Wow. I had never tried buffalo before, so I ordered. I must say buffalo meat, although very gamey, is succulent and delicious. I’m not sure whether it was the way she cooked it in the curry but the meat seemed to melt in the mouth. I was a fan. We paid and were about to leave when the sweet lady came running out holding something. When she opened her hands to reveal chicks I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty, because my friend had just eaten their mother I think. It was chicks. I’m not sure why she wanted to show us, but it was entertaining nonetheless. When we left the restaurant we were again confronted by drug dealers, this time pushing their product a little more aggressively than before, sometimes following us down the street. I’m sure this is a typical annoyance that foreigners brought to the town, as the sleepy village didn’t seem like a pushers paradise.

I rounded the crest of the hill and the hotel came into view. At this moment, something became clear, well two things. The first was the reason for the gate in the hotel. I had seen it before I left, but wondered why it was needed in such a small village, but having seen who was around at night I had a different outlook on the residents’ security needs. It was clear that gangs run things around here. The second thing I realised was that the gate was in fact closed. This was an obvious hitch in my plan to get a good nights sleep so I set about solving the problem. It was covered in spines that ran its’ length so climbing over was not a possibility. I could see to the right a tree, which started on my side, but hung over the other. This was my chance! Now, the option I should have chosen, in hindsight, was to call out to the hotel guard, however, Mekong whiskey plays tricks on the mind, hence my conclusion was drawn. I shimmied up the tree and slowly but surely made my way over the gate. I could not fall now, if I did it would be a disastrous end to my travels. It didn’t help that I hadn’t climbed anything since I was in school, but again the whisky was some aid in distracting from such thoughts. I was nearly clear of the gate, just a couple more shimmies and I’d be able to drop safely a well deserved rest. It was at that point I felt a burning sensation on my hands. I wasn’t sure whether the whisky was accountable for this, or the climbing, but it was getting worse. I climbed further until I had a good grip on the tree, then wrapped my legs around it and then pulled my hand away to investigate. There were no street lights or lights in the hotel, but the moon and stars provided enough luminescence to see what it was on my hands, spreading to my arms. Ants. Big red ones. Evil, biting red ants. I was just clear of the gate so I leapt from the tree and landed safely in some bushes inside the hotel. Amusingly, the hotel bar was still very much open, so again, in hindsight, I didn’t really have to crawl through a stream of heaving warrior ants to get in, I could have just waited a few minutes. It’s moments like that when hindsight prepares you for future foresight. Having dealt with this ordeal, I went to get some sleep, I had a special event to wake for in the morning.

I woke in my bamboo hut early, it was far too hot to sleep when dawn arrived. It seemed as if the jungle had awoken too, the birds were especially active. But there were bigger creatures I was hoping were awake. The night before, I had been sitting in the bar with JB and Niels, talking all kinds of nonsense. We were having the kind of conversations that you only hear when you’re travelling. Musings about our individual countries and our observations of the world we had seen in Laos. Deep subjects like physics and politics, it all goes hand in hand with your own discovery of the planet. Whilst we were talking the subject of Asian elephants cropped up. Having all come from Chiang Mai, the subject was, unsurprisingly, fresh on our minds. A middle aged couple overheard our conversation and said that the hotel owner had mentioned some elephants were in the area and we may be able to see them at dawn by the river  So there I was,waiting. A curious thing about the middle aged couple is that they were from Birmingham, where I am from. Very strange to be so close, yet so far from home. They joined for the show of course and we didn’t have to wait long. Breakfast of rice and Chinese cabbage had just arrived and everyone was waiting intently, eyes focused on the river banks. Suddenly, out of the trees, two men emerged, and surely enough, so did three elephants. They are majestic beasts, every movement slow and meaningful. they exert a kind of serenity that only a wise and ancient creature could. Unfortunately, elephants are also naïve. They are constantly harassed by humans, tortured and beaten, yet they still do not resist or attempt to escape, because they’re fed. In a way elephants are similar to Laos. It is an ancient and slow moving country, wise in its’ ways and old fashioned in lifestyle. Yet it is attempting to modernise, the pull of Western capitalism is too strong, no matter what the cost is to their way of life. Gangs, drugs and poverty are a way of life in Pakbang, but I can’t help but feel back when money wasn’t involved and the town was agrarian communist, these things just weren’t an issue. If you were to read up on Laotian history in the West, you would hear the same stories about communism, the same figures on poverty and the same bias. But we forget these figures for poverty are based on money alone, many people live without money in Laos, but still have food to eat. Yet Laos wanders naively into the clutches of money, just as the elephant wanders blindly into the clutches of man. This was a sobering thought, so I decided to just sit back and enjoy the view.

Mae Nam Khong Part 1 – The Mother River

The Nile, The Yangtze, The Ganges, there are certain rivers in this world that are responsible for truly great civilisations. Ancient and powerful peoples who’s cities and rulers adorn our libraries with a rich tapestry of history. The Mekong is most certainly one of them. It gave birth to the great Isan people of Northern Thailand, raised medieval armies in Burma and mothered the great Khmers, the conquerors of the Angkor and architects of the great ancient cities of South East Asia. In more recent times it played host to the Vietcong and Americans alike, bearing witness to their brutal struggle. Yet all the while, it maintained its’ majesty as it carved the mighty landscapes of the Indochinese peninsula. It trickles down from the glaciers on the Tibetan Plateau, meanders down through China’s rugged Yunnan province and gushes down through the valleys of Myanmar. Then the river meets the old mountains of Laos before smashing down to Cambodia, feeding its’ people with its’ bounty. Finally it flows into the South China Sea in Southern Vietnam, where morning fishermen flog their wares in the floating markets of the delta. The Mekong truly is the mother of South East Asia.

I want to tell you about the small part which I explored, where the river took me on an adventure back into the distant past.

I had just crossed the border from Thailand, the journey had been an eye opener already from Chiang Mai. I hadn’t expected the simplicity of Chiang Khong (or the hotel). I felt surprisingly fresh considering the breakfast gruel and the early start. The Thai-Laos border crossing at Chiang Khong is relatively easy, $30 for a visa, but make sure you have the cash and a little spare, there are no functioning cash machines. Me and the group were herded into a bus on the other side and taken to Huay Xai to meet with the Mekong. We got to the ferry port and the first thing that struck me wasn’t the river, but just how steep it was to walk down to it. No steps, just a steep embankment with a few Laotian guys to help us down. My flip flops were not ideal.

As I waited in line for a sandwich my ears were greeted by an unfamiliar accent. I wanted to find out what it was so I decided to investigate. When you are on the backpacker route people don’t tend to mind as much if you barge into their conversations as they would at home. I politely invited myself in. This is when I met JB and Nils, two of the most interesting people I’ve met on my travels. I can’t recall what kind of debate they were having, but it didn’t sound like the first. The unfamiliar accent was that of Danish Nils, who was studying for a PHD in physics and a very smart man indeed. The other was the deep Australian tones of JB, who was a construction worker from Melbourne, taking a gap in his life to see the world. The first thought that popped into my head was “there is no way in a million years I’d put these two together”. That’s the amazing thing about travelling, you find great friends in the most unlikely of places. These two had a serious bromance forming.

We got talking in the queue and decided it be a great idea to try some of Laos finest mekong whiskey ($2 a bottle where can you go wrong?). We each got a bottle and headed to the boat. Word to the wise here if you do a Mekong boat cruise, get a cushioned seat. One of the boats was cushioned, the other wasn’t. I chose the hard wooden seats for the first part of a two leg journey. In the end this turned out to be an advantage, as the discomfort my solid seats were providing meant I couldn’t settle and had to move up and down the boat.
The Mekong boat trips are great for meeting others when you’re are travelling alone, there’s nowhere they can go and someone’s bound to want to play cards sooner or later. I met a lot of interesting people whilst sharing out my, it turns out, disgusting whisky. But my trip on the Mekong was really less of a social event and more of a photo op for nature to show off her South East Asian swag.

Anyone who has been to Laos will instantly remember the rugged mountains, draped in thick, dense jungle. As I cruised along this churning waters, the Mekong winded through the hillsides and winded back the clock. I watched as farmers burned their almost vertical fields, trudging up the steepest paths I’ve ever seen with heavy bags of vegetation on their back. On occasion, small fish would leap from the water. The smell of smoke was thick in the air and blended perfectly with the sky creating a cloak over the twists and turns of the river ahead, hazing the mountains from the glare of the sun above. It’s was a stunning scene and one that I will never forget. The charm of the landscape of Laos is a sight to behold. One thing I noticed is the scars on the hillsides, evidence of battles once fought, death from above. But still the farmers were here, still the tribal villages nestled in the river banks, children playing in the river. It was as if this way of life hadn’t been disturbed for thousands of years. I couldn’t help but ponder the confusion of these people in the 1960-70s, when their world spontaneously combust around them. It was beautiful and wonderful to bare witness to a way of life so far from my own. Such an exotic landscape, a forgotten time and place almost. People just lived, nothing more, nothing less.

To be continued…

Thomas Kavanagh

12 Tips For Meeting Other Backpackers When You’re Alone

I get it. You want to go travelling, but none of your friends at home are on board and it looks like you’re on your own. Scary prospect isn’t it. Maybe you lack the confidence to approach others, or you’re just not that outgoing. You want to do this trip, but you should probably wait for one of your friends to come along with you, you don’t want to be alone in a far flung part of the world with nobody to talk to right. Wrong. Here are some easy ways you can meet other travellers on your trip.

1) Start your trip at a good,social hostel. Essential. You want your first few days away to set the tone for your trip. You want to meet people, make friends and relax into your experience. Before you set out on your adventure, use travel guides and review websites to find a hostel in the area that has a good atmosphere. The things you are looking for are lots of dorm beds, a bar and a big social area where you can meet other travellers. A garden BBQ is a great bonus trust me.

2) Chill with the staff. Some of the best people and lifelong friends I have met weren’t other travellers, they were staff. At hostels, bar and restaurants, local staff are awesome. If you’re in a hostel, spark up a conversation about the place you’re visiting and what they like about it. When they get off work they might take you out on the town. Some of the best advice you will get will come from the local staff too.

3) The movie room. There are two times of day you will find people in the movie room in hostels. Mid morning is when the hungover people get there, and late evening is when the even more hungover people get there to avoid going out again. Hit it up and you’re bound to find someone willing to share a few stories from the night before.

4) The laundry room. We Brits love to complain. I use this to my advantage when I’m away and never more so than the laundry room. A simple bit of eye contact and the line “I hate laundry, my Mom does it back home” will go a long way to starting up a new budding friendship. They feel your pain.

5) Take up smoking. OK, a little bit controversial I admit, but, if you smoke it is easier to meet people. If you have a cigarette or lighter for someone in their time of need (you know you’ll get asked) they’re more likely to stop and talk to you over a quick fag.

6) Join group activities. Trekking groups, cooking classes, bar crawls, elephant treks, for a small fee, you could just have a new lifelong friend. When you’re doing something you’ve never done before and enjoying yourself in a group, there’s no question, you will make friends.

7) Party. Hard. Backpacking is not just about partying, it’s much much more. But it’s always good to let your hair down and you become a lot more talkative after a few drinks, as does everyone else.

8) Nobody can refuse a good game of Pool.

9) Or Cards…

10) Share taxis. When you’re backpacking, you’re on a budget. What better way to get to know someone by halving your taxi fare with them. Just make sure you’re both not getting fleeced by the driver.

11) Keep an eye out for hostel events. A lot of good hostels organise events like free shot nights or game nights. Ask the staff or keep an eye on the notice boards. There are also normally parlour games in the social areas.

12) This is the most important of all. Say Hello. Look, when you’re backpacking, everybody is in the same boat. You all want to meet people and your all there to do it. So just do it. Walk up to someone and say hi and I guarantee you’ll be engrossed in a conversation about where you’re from and where you’ve been within seconds.

It really is that easy. You’re probably thinking travelling solo will be a lonely experience. Think again. Travelling alone is the best thing you can do. Stop waiting for your friend to come with you if it’s never gonna happen, stop wasting time looking at this article and others like it, bite the bullet and book the flight.  You will meet people from all walks of life no matter where you are in the world, because you all share one important connecting factor, you are not at home any more. When you travel alone, you’re on your own, but you’re never lonely.

Thomas Kavanagh

Expanding My Comfort Zone In Northern Thailand

After a long bus journey from Chiang Mai and having got used to the idea of travelling alone, I arrived at a hotel to stay the night at the Thai-Laos border crossing in Chiang Khong. My experience in Thailand had been one of relative luxury so far, I had stayed in two brilliant hostels, with excellent facilities and in Chiang Mai even a pool. I will include links below to their websites. Also, although a culture shock initially, Thailand had it’s fair share of infrastructure, not to mention the 7/11s everywhere, selling…everything! So nothing could have prepared me for what was to come.

The bus pulled into a gravelly courtyard, it was around 11. Over the course of the bus journey, everyone had gradually started to get to know each other, but we were all pretty exhausted and nobody spoke as we got out. We were greeted by two men from the hotel, who asked us our name and gave us they keys… so far so good. I said goodnight to the French girl I had been talking to and headed to room number 23, ready for a good nights sleep. We had to be up at 6:30am to cross the border, in order to make our ferry on the Mekong for 9:00am. I was looking forward to this sleep, Songkran in Chiang Mai had taken its toll. The first thing I noticed was my door had no handle, or lock. Why do I need a key if there’s no lock? I went in anyway, I needed a good nights sleep. This was not to be.

When I entered my room there were some lovely cockroaches throwing me a welcome party in the bathroom. I shut the door and left them to it, then walked over to the bed. I pulled the sheet back to get under and noticed the old blood stains on the mattress. Neatly, I placed the sheet back in its’ original position, I could do without a sheet, it was warm enough. In fact, it was hot! Really hot! It was the middle of April and I had read that it would be hot this time of year in Northern Thailand, but it surely hadn’t been this hot in Chiang Mai? Although, I had spent most of my time in Chiang Mai armed with a water pistol and had air conditioning in my room. I turned on the fan. It was at this moment that I realised that this would do no good. Fans in Asia don’t cool you down as much as weakly blow hot air on you. I lay down and shut my eyes, it was going to be a long, sweaty night.

The next morning I awoke to the sound of my alarm (my hatred for that sound runs deep). I hadn’t really slept and I could swear those cockroaches escaped and made the expedition to my mouth during the early hours of the morning. One piece of advice for SEA, always have a bottle of water for when you wake up, cotton mouth doesn’t nearly describe the desert your mouth becomes overnight. I stood under the drip (shower) to wash and then got dressed and went for breakfast. I was extremely hungry. Breakfast was included with the “hotel” so I went straight there. I saw the French girl at the table and asked her where I got breakfast. She had clearly had an experience similar to mine. She croaked (not a French pun) good morning and pointed to a long table in the corner. I wandered over, wondering what weird fruits and Northern Thai delicacies awaited me across the room. I had had good experiences with Thai food so far, even at breakfast.  Surely the food would rescue my experience of this place right? Wrong. What lay before me can only be described as rice gruel. It was a cold, grey rice gruel. I slapped a sloppy spoonful in my bowl and made some coffee, then sat down and consumed my rice gruel, because an empty stomach has no regards for a fussy tongue.  After that ordeal I decided it was time for a cigarette, but I didn’t have any so before we left for the border, I went in search of a shop to buy some. Because most of the bus journey was in the dark, I didn’t know what to expect when I left the courtyard in search of my death sticks. What I saw was fascinating.

I rounded the top of the hill leading from the hotel on a dirt road, and as I came to the top I found myself looking over a vast landscape of jungle covered hills. Green hill after green hill as far as I could see. I hadn’t had much chance to get out into the country in Chiang Mai so this was my first experience of SEA countryside. It was beautiful. The morning mist hadn’t subsided yet so it gently veiled the landscape. In April the sky in the North of Thailand is almost permanently hazy because of crop burning, so the sun blazed a brilliant orange. I walked down the other side of the hill into a small town, populated by the occasion motorbike and fruit stall. everyone was staring. I knew they had seen westerners before, obviously this town is along the backpackers route so I assumed that I was just a target for a broken English sales pitch. That until a women laughingly pointed out a huge beetle on the back of my T-shirt. I’m not one to freak out when I see a bug, but this thing was huge! All the villagers found it extremely funny when I ran down the road simultaneously trying to remove a sweaty T-shirt. They even stopped cracking coconuts and preparing their mangos to watch. Being rid of the beetle, I calmed myself down, bought some cigarettes and lit up. Looking around it was clear to see these people had been awake since dawn, preparing fruits,noodles and rice, organising shops and working in the hill. This was a million miles from Bangkok and Chiang Mai and seeing it made the whole cockroach and rice gruel experience worth it. I would have to get used to these kind of things in the coming months, being out in the Styx, because I was going to some of the most remote parts of South East Asia. But for a first experience it was memorable.

Thomas Kavanagh

Links:

http://www.ecoresortchiangmai.com/default-en.html

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Riding Solo For The First Time

I started my journey in Laos by crossing the Northern Thai border. It was the first part of my trip I would spend alone, after the unfortunate end to my friends trip back in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I had known that part of my trip would be spent alone, but after the events of Songkran (Thai Water Festival) I was unprepared to have it thrust upon me so early.

Leaving from Chiang Mai and heading into the unknown was an intimidating experience, the self doubt was slowly creeping into my head as I waited for the bus. As soon as the bus arrived, I had no choice, I was headed for Laos, a country I knew nothing about, alone. The bus pulled away and I waved goodbye to my friends in Chiang Mai, then they were gone and I was alone.

A few hours went by on that bus, I didn’t speak to anybody, I just listened to my IPhone and considered my decision. Who would I meet? Will I be this lonely for the rest of my trip? I wonder what’s at the other end of this bus journey? Then the bus stopped and me and the other ravenous tourists were released upon a poor Thai coffeshop in the middle of nowhere. God knows what a small coffee shop was doing here, but I had my suspicions. It was at this moment my attitude changed.

I cannot for the life of me remember the names of the two girls who changed my day save to say they were French and Dutch. All I remember is lighting a Marlboro gold and getting tapped on the shoulder. “May I have a cigarette” I heard in a sweet French accent. I obliged of course, then we sat down with her Dutch friend and had a great conversation about all the amazing things that we had seen and done, about out excitement for what’s ahead and just generally connected on a human level.

That’s when my journey really began. Of course the physical journey began weeks ago in the airport back home, but looking back, this moment was a definitive point in my life. Every traveller remembers the moment when they realised they were not alone. It’s the moment when fear gives way to anticipation. The rest of my amazing trip, all the people I met, all the things I learned, started with this 10 minute part of my life. It’s a moment when you finally understand, there are no limitations, you’ll be ok no matter what you do or where you go. It’s a moment when you realise, no matter how far from home you are, no matter how little confidence you have and no matter how lonely you feel, you can always meet someone and connect over a cigarette and coffee.

Tips for Cambodia Travel

So you’re planning a big trip to South East Asia. You want to see Angkor Wat and experience The Killing Fields right. Of course you do. Cambodia is a spectacular, unmissable South East Asian treasure, no trip would be complete without it. The beautiful landscape, hilarious (sometimes pushy) tuk tuk drivers, mental nights in Sihanoukville and pub street Siem Reap, stunning southern coastline and eccentric bar owners (shout out to Bunna), Cambodia has everything you need for a unique travelling experience. But, be wary, you are not in Kansas anymore, here are some tips to make your life a bit easier while you’re there.

1) First and foremost, DO NOT get into a heated argument with a Cambodian. They are some of the nicest people on the planet, but if you get into a confrontation, I guarantee you will come out of it worse. It does not matter how small they are, or how much they have tried to con you (it will happen), stay smart and deal with it firmly, but not angrily.

2) Respect the fact that things are done differently, and mainly without luxury. So if you find yourself on an 8 seater minibus which you have paid $5 for, and there are 15 people inside and bags, with 2 Cambodian children on your lap, embrace it. Who knows you may be able to use it as subject material one day.

3) Cambodia is a 3rd world country. The people here are poor, so please don’t argue with them over 10p, it doesn’t make a difference to you, but it will to them. Forget what the Budget travel websites tell you, being overcharged a small amount is actually common, even the locals pay it, think of it like tipping culture.

4) Be sure to visit Koh Rong Island in the south. You can get a ferry there from Sihanoukville. Endless beaches, shotgun bars, untamed jungle and bioluminescent plankton, it is complete paradise. But beware, there is a cost; when you find yourself waking up at 6 in the morning because your bamboo hut is roasting you alive you will notice that the electricity on the island shuts off around 2am; that is if you didn’t notice when you stumbled back drunk in the pitch black.

5) Beware of the dogs. So you’re in Sihanoukville. You are walking back from the farm party (DEFINATE MUST). You notice a group of dogs curiously walking behind you. Run away, immediately. The dogs in Cambodia ain’t soft and at that time they don’t want you to stroke them.

6) Please be respectful at the Killing Fields. Don’t talk, whisper. There is an amazingly insightful audio tour to compliment your walking tour. Make sure you prepare yourself for an emotional day. On a side note, if you have limited time in Phnom Penh, you can easily see The Killing Fields and Tuol Sleng Prison in one day, any Tuk Tuk driver will take you for $10-$15 for the whole day.

7) The Russian market in Phnom Penh is the best market in the world. The best. I know by the time you’ve been through Thailand to Cambodia, you have lost all the clothes you brought with, and if you’ve been to Utopia bar in Laos your flip flops too. Don’t worry about it! The Russian market has everything you need, bring your bargaining hat, but remember tip 3.

8) Full moon party!!! Now your thinking, that’s in Thailand right? Wrong. The full moon party on Koh Rong Samloem is much better than Koh Phangan. The music is awful, the buckets are ridiculously strong and the speedboat over from Koh Rong at 11pm is packed and gets really messy. What more could you want?

9) Siem Reap is a beautifully hectic city. This is your base for your Tomb Raider experience. Here are some Angkor Wat basics:

-Don’t go hungover, I know pub street is tempting.
-If you have to choose, do sunset, not sunrise.
-It’s huge, and your driver is going to tell you to walk around and he’ll wait for you somewhere, don’t worry, he’ll find you when he wants to.
-It’s absolutely boiling, bring water, lots and lots of water.
-In the event that parts of the temple are closed, just bribe a police officer $10 and you will get a guided tour of the area.
-You must wear suitable clothing, cover your knees and shoulders. Girls cover up the belly, there’s plenty more time to show off your beach body in the south.
-If the lure of pub street is too great, in the event of the inevitable hangover, it’s ok to take a quick nap in the temple. Just find a comfy slab.

10) Careful at the border. You will hear many horror stories from the Cambodian border along your travels, they are all true. Police try to rip you off, bus companies leave you stranded, health VISAs that don’t exist, the list could go on and on. Keep your wits about you, and make sure you have spare dollars, because there are no cash machines. You’re in bandit country now.

11) Yes you can shoot a cow for $300 with an RPG. Don’t do it. The same gangs who own the illegal shooting ranges, kidnap girls and force them into sex slavery, so while it may seem appealing to splat one of your bovine friends, think of the consequences. Plus it’s expensive and you’ve probably had all your money ripped off at the border if you didn’t follow these tips.

12) Keep your Passport close, especially on bus journeys. This is no joke, a friend of mine had his Passport stolen and sold back to him by the bus company. Watch out.

13) Enjoy the people. Have a laugh with the Tuk Tuk drivers, do some Khmer boxing, play pool with the locals (you will end up buying them a drink) and go to a street party, there’s ALWAYS a street party in Cambodia, so when you hear funny music at 3am in the morning, follow your ears. I promise it’s worth it.

14) Roll with the punches. In Cambodia, hardly anything works the way you want it to, but that’s the beauty of it, embrace it, they are the stories you will tell your children, nobody remembers when a plan comes together.

These tips should help you get the most out of a Cambodian experience. Prepare yourself to be shocked and surprised more than a few times. Cambodia is an eye opener for even the most well travelled people. Enjoy it, you’ve never been to a place like this before.

Thomas Kavanagh